At the end of the year no matter how focused I am on the present, it's hard not to look back. When I look back I'm amazed at the changes this year. It's been a hell of a year, I was pushed in ways that I would have never thought I would be able to deal with, but I did deal with it.

When I get to this point, the end of the year it seems like I'm always thinking the same thing; I wish I hadn't hurt anyone, I wish I hadn't disappointed anyone, I would have liked to be better at everything. But here I am. I am going to keep trying. Like always I lost and gained in the year and it's always sad to lose anything, especially things that are so important to me. Nothing ever replaces the old, or covers it up, it's just change I suppose. I'm sorry to anyone I've hurt or disappointed. I'm happy that I've found so many friends around the world this year.

Everything seems upside down and shaken up, but I know that no matter what happens, it will all be okay. I've seen it happen, we've all seen it happen. It is all okay. it's just change.

2009 photos will be here.

Enjoy,
C

Sometimes it seems that the world wraps it’s arms around you in subtle ways, making everything comfortable and good. The anxiety in your life can be seen in a small puddle near feet of the chair you are sitting in. Today it was the radio on, an oddity in itself lately, playing music that made me smile, music that I wasn’t stuck listening to, an album that I was compulsively listening to, but new stuff and old stuff, songs that made me smile, and remember the songs, no the world Iwas living in when I heard them before. There is the tea, a green tea from Marriage et Freres, a generous gift form a friend, I had appreciated the gift, but didn’t like tea much until today, maybe I hadn’t made it strong enough or maybe I just wasn’t ready for it, but the pot today is good. Bella, is being friendly and sweet, she comes to be pet, puts her head in my lap, wags her tail, then walks away and curls up on the couch across form me. My head is calm, in a post yoga clearness, my body is tired, but my mind is raring to go, reading the pages, turning the pages and enjoying the story. Contentment seems like an easy task and is so often so hard to find. I’m putting this one here as a note to myself.
Contentment is there to be found. Find it, grab it, make it yours.