(image does not relate to writing.)

Freemont

It has always had a more specific name, it used to be Yoga College of India, now it's Bikram Yoga of Seattle, but everyone just says, Freemont. It's the first place that I came to practice Bikram yoga. I didn't know who Bikram was, I certainly never thought I would meet him, let alone talk to him, etc. I was just going to try Hot Yoga. I was feeling pretty broken, alone and not sure what the world was about, and I walked into that room, and felt confused and overwhelmed and 90 minutes later, I walked out, dripping with sweat and smiling. Sure during that 90 minute class I was more overwhelmed, more confused than I had been in a long time but the class did exactly what I would learn later exactly what Bikram wanted it to do, it made me work so hard on staying alive that it shut off my "monkey brain" and let the world all slow down. I knew I was in love right away. I wanted to go back the next day, but I had just started a new job, it took a couple of more days to get back there, but I did. Eventually I made it three days a week, then 5 days a week, then 7. I started to understand more about the class I felt comfortable in that room. I knew enough other people there that I would see other students and I would nod and smile as I walked in. The teachers started to know me, and give me more corrections and less praise. I figured out how to make it through the whole class evenly without so many moments of thinking I was going to die. I learned how to be more comfortable being uncomfortable.

I don't take class at Fremont too often anymore, and I missed it a lot for a while, then I started to appreciate wherever I was for whatever I was getting form the place. But today I was back at Fremont, and I enjoyed being there for exactly the same reason, what I was getting out of being there. Walking in I saw Robert a very experienced teacher, who I hadn't had in a while, I was greeted with a big smile and a hello. The other joy was running into two friends, it's always a bit nicer to practice when there are friends in the room. Maybe it's because I started practicing there, but I love the room, the big black stripes the run across the carpets, I love the feeling of the carpet, so grippy, and supporting, but soft on the knees. I love the lighting, especially on sunny days like today, flooding into the back of the room and yet you can always see yourself clearly in the front mirrors. The heat while sometimes too cold and sometimes too hot, like every studio, is often just there, part of the room, part of the practice. But the heat is quiet; it seems to soak into the room, coating it like a blanket fairly evenly. The floor series is just as hot as the standing series. But there are helpful things too, the fans when turned on cool the room down, giving new life to dying students I remember many screamingly hot classes where Saiko would walk back and switch on the fans after Camel, you could hear the thankful sighs of the students. I love the windows in the back of the room. I can remember softly looking out he windows seeing the masts of the boats in Lake Union bob slowly back and forth, the tree bows bobbing in the wind. On rare occasions I would see an eagle circling over the lake, I can remember at least three times where I saw an eagle and got distracted, but it made an already amazing class even more amazing. I've been in that room next to people I loved, my close friends, people that were driving me crazy, good students, crazy students. People who have discouraged me, and people who have totally inspired me, and it’s always the same class, it’s always a good way to spend 90 minutes.

My experience of being there in that studio has changed so much; going from being a local, to an occasional visitor is a world of difference. But there is still a sense of goodness, of welcomeness. No matter what I find fault in there it I such a great place A place where everyone gets a chance to grow to change conquer their own world, get over a broken heart to learn how to live in a world that isn't always an easy place to live in.

"I am not listening to your excuses" Said to me during class about my bad habit of not sitting low enough in Eagle, because my knees hurt.

"We all make our own choices." someone told me this when i tried to blame a hard choice on someone else. It was a great reminder. "We all make our choices", I've been repeating it like a mantra since it was said

Authenticity (not my choice of word to describe the idea below, that I like.)
From Seth Godin

If it acts like a duck (all the time), it's a duck. Doesn't matter if the duck thinks it's a dog, it's still a duck as far as the rest of us are concerned.

Authenticity, for me, is doing what you promise, not "being who you are".

That's because 'being' is too amorphous and we are notoriously bad at judging that. Internal vision is always blurry. Doing, on the other hand, is an act that can be seen by all.

As the Internet and a connected culture places a higher premium on authenticity (because if you're inconsistent, you're going to get caught) it's easy to confuse authentic behavior with an existential crisis. Are you really good enough, kind enough, generous enough and brave enough to be authentically a hero or leader?

Mother Theresa was filled with self doubt. But she was an authentic saint, because she always acted like one.

You could spend your time wondering if what you say you are is really you. Or you could just act like that all the time. That's good enough, thanks. Save the angst for later.

the world really does look like this. How do you admire the beauty without wondering what happens when it changes back to a cloudy blue sky, or a cloud thickened PNW sky?